Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
