There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
