i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
