This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
