I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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