His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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