His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
