so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
