i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
