I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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