i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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