I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
