Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
