Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Randomize
