I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
