hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
