And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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