Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
