I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
