Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
My ass is underappreciated
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
