he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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