Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Pooping to opera.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
