that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i dont even know how to be here
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
