there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Another day, another engagement, another cat
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
