I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Randomize