She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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