so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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