Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
