Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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