Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
