I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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