She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
