i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
