Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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