you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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