***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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