I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
