you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
