Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
