...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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