i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
