Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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