I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
We have started to decorate penises.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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