He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
