wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
