I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
