He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
