Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
