how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
