it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
he fucked my hip out of place.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
