i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
