I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
