We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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