Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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