did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
