rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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