Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
