Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize