Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
