Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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