Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
