The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
