I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
