Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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