I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You took a bar mat shot.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
He has the fingertips of a God
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
