I heard we made out
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
