i jhust puked up my retainher.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
