Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
