Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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