ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
