i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
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