No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Randomize
