The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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