My hair reeks of homosexuality.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
