checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
