Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
